Last week the personal injury attorneys at Law Office of J. Price McNamara talked about tragic incident that left a few farmers dead due to toxic exposure. Well, branching of that subject, it appears the first horsemen of the apocalypse, who is said to be Pestilence, may have finally arrived…
At least for those attending the Burning Man festival.
Those of us that aren’t tie-dye donning, deodorant shunning, double rainbow seeing, new age hippies are fine. We don’t have to deal with this mini rapture. Because we function in society. Like normal people.
If you plan on attending the Burning Man festival this year then grab a hold of your peace pipe and fasten those leather straps on your sandals down into their tightest position because we’ve got a hell of a story for you. (We’de say it’ll blow your socks off, but we all know you aren’t wearing any.)
Recently there have been rumors floating around about swarms of insects invading the location that this most epic festival of debauchery and flagrant nudity is held: Nevada’s Black Rock Desert. However, the strange part is that no has seen them there in over two decades. The terrifying part? They are everywhere, they sting and they lick.
Yes, lick. These bugs use something called a proboscis, which is rather like a long hollow tongue *gag*, to penetrate your skin and search for precious moisture.
Omen? We think so…
Anyways, entomologists have been contacted and the rumors are true.
People, the bugs are infesting Burning Man, and we all know hippies won’t use bug spray for… whatever reason. Toxins? Yeah, it’s something like that. And God Knows Molly isn’t going to do anything about the bugs.
So What’s A Modern Flower Child To Do?
According to more research done by the entomologists, a recent boom in mustard plant blooms may have brought this plague on, and when the mustard plants die off, so will the bugs. However, this doesn’t really help out anyone right this second.
Can we suggest fire? Like, lots of fire. In fact, skip burning the Man all together and just focus on torching the bugs. Gas helps. ( We’re joking don’t use gas, that’s dangerous. Use propane, like an adult.)
However, since the likelihood of Burning Man attendees seeing the sense in setting fire to the thousands of insects looking to harvest the moisture off your skin entomologists suggest not slapping them or squashing them while they are on your skin.
It just keeps getting better.
These insects have been feeding on the mustard plants, which means they are now full of mustard oil, and mustard oil stings. A LOT. If you squash them while they are on your skin, you’ll kill the bug but get a dash of mustard oil in exchange. The amount released from one bug might not be very much, but since there appear to be hundreds of thousands of these lovely insects, that means there is a lot of mustard oil ready to be spilled.
So, we guess just try and shoo the buggers away? Or try and talk to them about how Monsanto is the devil incarnate and how wonderful the vegan beetroot and chia seed salad you had the other day was. That might actually put them to sleep like it does everyone else.
Other than that, unless someone assaults you at the festival (which is actually very likely as well) we can’t really offer any more advice.
We wish you the best and Godspeed friends.